Originally posted by: misterhy on 6/1/2007 6:02:59 PM

Countdown to 75. Four days to go.

Military truisms:

A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your
unit."
- Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.

"Aim towards the Enemy."
- Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
- U.S. Marine Corps

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed to always hit the ground."
- USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
- Infantry Journal

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed."
- U.S. Air Force Manual

"Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never
encountered automatic weapons."
- Gen. Macarthur

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."
- Infantry Journal

"You, you, and you . . . Panic. The rest of you, come with me."
- U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.

"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal

"Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever
volunteer to do anything."
- U. S Navy Swabbie

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
- David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
- Infantry Journal

"No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection."
- Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once."
- Anon

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
- Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."
- USAF Ammo Troop

At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan: 'Though I
Fly Through the Valley of Death .. I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at
80,000 Feet and Climbing.

You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.
- (Paul F. Crickmore -test pilot)

The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.

Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than
submarines in the sky.
(From an old carrier sailor)

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a
helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.

When one engine fails on a twin-engine aircraft you always have enough
power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Without ammunition, the Air Force would be just another expensive flying
club.

What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a
pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation
are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?" and "Oh S...!"

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully
complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a
row is prevarication.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the
purpose of storing dead batteries.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a
person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about
it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten.

Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be
held on a sunny day.

Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: When a plane (crash) seems
inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the
vicinity as slow and gently as possible.

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely
kill you.
(Attributed to Max Stanley, Northrop test pilot)

A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its
maximum.
(Jon McBride, astronaut)

If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the
crash as possible.
Bob Hoover - renowned aerobatic and test pilot

Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you.

There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.
Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970).

If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

Basic Flying Rules: Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near
the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the
appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It
is much more difficult to fly there.

You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full
power to taxi to the terminal.

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn
off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives,
the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's
reply, "I don't know, I just got here myself!"
[Attributed to Ray Crandell Lockheed Test Pilot]
+++++
Working Dogs
Three guys sitting in a bar around a log fire with their dogs and get talkin' about them.
First one says "My dog is called woodworker, go woodworker."

The dog grabs a log from fire and with his teeth and paws fashions a beautiful figurine.

Next one says "My dog is called stoneworker, go stoneworker"

The dog drags a rock from the fire front and a beautiful carving emerges.

Third one says "My dog is called iron worker" he puts the fire tongs into the fire and gets them red hot. "Now," he says "I'll just touch him on the balls and you watch him make a bolt for the door."
+++++


The Joke Man

Originally posted by: misterhy on 5/31/2007 6:53:09 PM

Thursday again. Where is the time going?

Maybe this is why people stay Catholic. . .
Fish Story

On the last day of his trip a priest hooked a monster fish and proceeded to reel it in.

The guide, holding a net, yelled, "look at the size of that Son of a B!tch! "

"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for! "

"No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a B!tch fish! "

"Really? Well, then, help me land this Son of a B!tch! "

Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster.

Father, that's the biggest Son of a B!tch I've ever seen. "

"Yes, it is a big Son of a B!tch. What should I do with it? "

"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a B!tch! "

Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory.

While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his trip. "Take a look at this big Son of a B!tch I caught! "

Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father! "

"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a B!tch fish! "

"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a B!tch? "

"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a Son of a B!tch. "

Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a B!tch for his dinner.

"I'll even clean the Son of a B!tch, " she said.

As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing Sister? "

"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a B!tch for the new Bishops' dinner. "

"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language! "

"No, no! No, it's called a Son of a B!tch fish. "

"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and that Son of a B!tch can be the main course!

Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a B!tch. "

On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect.

The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish was excellent.

The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it? "

"I caught that Son of a B!tch! " proclaimed the proud
priest.

The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing.

"And I cleaned the Son of a B!tch! " exclaimed the Sister.

The Bishop sat silent in disbelief.

The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a B!tch, using a special recipe! "

The new Bishop looked around at each of them.

Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said,

"You motherf@#%&*s are my kind of people. "
+++++


The Joke Man

Originally posted by: ZIPPER on 5/31/2007 2:40:53 PM

Annual Neologism Contest

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:
01. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
02. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
03. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
04. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
05. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
06. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
07. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
08. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
09. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with 'Yiddishisms'.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Originally posted by: misterhy on 5/29/2007 6:25:39 PM

I made the type size smaller,but the forum still does not fit on the page. Come on webmaster,you say you are redesigning the site,how about making the page fit the screen?

Moose Hunters

Two moose hunters from Texas are flown into a remote lake in Alaska. They have a good hunt and both manage to get a large moose. When the plane returns to pick them up, the pilot looks at the animals and says, "This little plane won't lift all of us, the equipment, and both of those animals. You'll have to leave one. We'd never make it over the trees on the take off."

"That's baloney!" says one of the hunters. "Yeah," the other agrees, "you're just chicken. We came out here last year and got two moose and that pilot had some guts! He wasn't afraid to take off!"

"Yeah", said the first hunter, "and his plane wasn't any bigger than yours!"

The pilot got angry, and said, "Hell, if he did it, then I can do it! I can fly as well as anybody!"

They loaded up, taxied at full throttle, and the plane almost made it, but didn't have the lift to clear the trees at the end of the lake. It clipped the tops, then flipped, then broke up, scattering the baggage, animal carcasses, and passengers all through the brush.

Still alive, but hurt and dazed, the pilot sat up, shook his head to clear it, and said, "Where are we?"

One of the hunters rolled out from being thrown into a bush, looked around and said, "I'd say ... About a hundred yards further than last year."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Consequences of Being Cheap!

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.
He whispers to the usher, "This is a mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."
The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.
The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
and a tribute to Johnny
Johnny Carson as "Karnak" One Liners

"A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou."

Reading the contents of the envelope:
"Name three things that have yeast."

A: The Nestea Plunge.
Q: What does the president of Nestea use when his toilet is topped up?

A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H?

A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo.
Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be?

A: Zippo Marx.
Q: What do you get when something gets caught in your Zippo?

A: Touchback.
Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches you?

A: Kitchy-kitchy-koo.
Q: What do you call a military coup led by General Kitchy Kitchy?

A: Big Ben, Joe Namath and a candidate's campaign promises.
Q: What is a clock, a jock and a crock.


Johnny.........."Wow, It sure Is cold today"
ED.............."How cold was it"
Johnny.........."I saw a dog stuck to a telephone pole"

Rodney Dangerfield: "Johnny, how long have you and Ed McMahon been together?"

Johnny: "I guess it's been about ten years now."

Rodney Dangerfield: "Wow, that is a long time...any children?"

Johnny: "It's not that we haven't TRIED!!!"

Answer: Sis Boom Bah
Question: What sound does a sheep make when it explodes?


Name what offense someone should automatically get the death sentence:

Johnny: Whoever told squirrels they were good at crossing the road!


Ed: Yassir Arafat

Johnny: Yassir Arafat

(envelope opening)

Johnny: What's the sound made when Dolly Parton removes her bra?


Johnny: "It was so cold outside..."

Audience: "How cold was it?"

Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their own pockets."


Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis Carrington
Rips open envelope...
Question: Name a duck, mutt, and a slut.


Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan."

Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockey puck."


Some sad news from Australia....the inventor of the boomerang gernade died today...."

laughs


"Does that joke draw a picture, or what?"


Carnac: "Catch-22."

Ed: "Catch-22"

Carnac (looking at Ed with disdain): "May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your short."

"Catch-22...What do the Los Angeles Dodgers do with 100 pop flies."


"A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton"

"Name two big hits, two big mitts.....and a famous country singer!"


Carnak: Do-whacka-do
Ed: Do-whacka-do
Carnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?

Carnak: Dippity-do
Ed: Dippity-do
Carnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?


Carnack: "William Safire."

Ed: "WILLIAM SAFIRE."

Carnac, looking at Ed in disdain: "May a diseased camel date your sister......

William Safire...(Tearing open the envelope)..."Q: What's Shakespeare's first name, Kingfish."



A. "Knickerbocker"
Q. "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker?"


Raquel Welch: It's very reassuring in a way to know that all these fans are so interested in film personalities that they would like to come, you know, and even just look at your house and your shrubs, it sometimes it's rather embarrassing.

Johnny: I'd love to see your shrubs.


In reference to the buxom blond named Morgana who ran out of the field during a world series game and kissed Steve Garvey, Carson (holding his hands palm up near his chest) exclaimed, "She was big!".

Ed and the audience asked in unison, "Well, how big was she?"

Carson replied, "If Dolly Parton was a mouthful, this girl would be a two-week supply".
+++++


The Joke Man

Originally posted by: ZIPPER on 6/6/2007 1:55:18 PM

FLAT TIRE


A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day so she eases
it over onto the shoulder of the road.

She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. Takes out two
cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle
facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats
exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers....

Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up.

It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly
enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is
going on here?"

"My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly

"Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by
the road?!" asks the Officer...



"Helllllooooo, those are my emergency flashers!" she replied.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

1907 to 2007: Century of Change
What a difference a Century makes!

[The year is 1907 - one hundred years ago. Here are some of the U.S. statistics for 1907...]

The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47 years.

Only 14% of the homes had a bathtub. Only 8% of the homes had a telephone. A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost $11.00.

There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S. and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower.

The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year. The average wage in the U.S. was 22 cents per hour.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95% of all births took place at home.

90% of all U.S. doctors had no college education. Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press and the government as “substandard.”

Sugar cost four cents a pound. Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen. Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.

Canada passed a law prohibiting poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona, Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn't been admitted to the Union yet.

The population of Las Vegas , Nevada, was only 30.

Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa, and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California. With a mere 1.4 million residents. California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn't read or write. Only 6% of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. According to one pharmacist, “Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”

18% of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were only about 230 reported murders in the entire U.S.

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years to email someone...
.

Originally posted by: misterhy on 6/4/2007 6:34:10 PM

Monster rain today,finally. The crab grass needed it desperately.

Nasty
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.

The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he's ever had.
+++++
What Day Is It?
Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is."

"Of course I do," he indignantly answered, going out the door to the office.

At 10 AM, the doorbell rang and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived . Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress.

The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home.

"First the flowers, then the chocolates and then the dress!" she exclaimed.

"I've never had a more wonderful Groundhog Day in my life!"
+++++
A young preacher was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a man who died with no family or friends. The funeral was held way back in the country and the young preacher got lost on the way. When he arrived an hour late, he saw a backhoe and crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The workmen were eating lunch.

The diligent pastor went to the open grave to find the vault lid in place, but still he poured out his heart and preached an impassioned and lengthy service. Returning to his car, the young preacher felt that he had done his duty and he would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of his tardiness. As he got into his car, he overheard one of the workers talking to another worker: "I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years, and I ain't never seen anything like that before." Sort of gives new meaning to the term "Holy $hit."
+++++


The Joke Man

Originally posted by: misterhy on 6/6/2007 6:12:21 PM

I safely made it to 75 so I guess I will try for 100.

Subject: The Dentist Date:
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and Says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love.
After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a GOOD dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"
=======
Three Mysteries (Pretty easy, right?)
Study Carefully.....the clues are so blatant you will
be kicking yourself if you miss them!
Don't look at the answers until you are sure you have all three right.
Mystery one

A man was found murdered Sunday morning. His wife immediately called the police.
The police questioned the wife and staff and got these answers:

The wife said she was sleeping.
The cook was preparing breakfast.
The gardener was gathering vegetables.
The maid was getting the mail.
The butler was polishing shoes in the pantry.

The police instantly arrested the murderer. Who did it and how did they know?

Mystery two

A man walks into his bathroom and shoots himself right between the eyes using a real gun with real bullets.

He walks out alive, with no blood anywhere and no, he didn't miss and he wasn't Superman or any other crusader wearing a cape.

How did he do this?

Mystery three

Old Mr. Teddy was found dead in his study by Mr. Fiend.
Mr. Fiend recounted his dismal discovery to the police:

"I was walking by Mr. Teddy's house when I thought I would just pop in for a visit. I noticed his study light was on and I decided to peek in from the outside to see if he was in there. There was frost on the window, so I had to wipe it away to see inside. That is when I saw his body. So I kicked in the front door to confirm my suspicions of foul play. I called the police immediately afterward."

The officer immediately arrested Mr. Fiend for the murder of Mr. Teddy.

How did he know Mr. Fiend was lying?

Try to figure these questions before looking at the answers below.



ANSWERS:

1. It was the Maid. She said she was getting the mail but there is no mail
delivery on Sunday.

2. He shot his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

3. Frost forms inside of the window, not the outside. So Mr. Fiend could not have wiped it off to discover Mr. Teddy's body.
=====
====
Jacob is one of the lucky ones because he's the only one of his family to have survived two years in a concentration camp. He's now nearing 90 and his only remaining joy is the
national lottery, which he's been playing for years without success. But then he wins the big one, a prize of $10 million.
A journalist from the Times calls on him for a story.

Jacob tells him, "As I'm the only one in my family to have survived the concentration camps, this has helped me decide how to make use of my large win. So, I've decided to donate
$5 million to the Save the Children Fund, $3 million to the Simon Wiesenthal Center, $750,000 to the Jewish Museum, $750,000 Hadassah Hospital and $500,000 to be shared amongst
my friends. I'm also thinking of donating $1 from my pocket to the Nazi party."

The journalist is surprised. "But Jacob, how can you think of donating even $1 to the Nazi party after everything that's happened to you and your family?"

Jacob rolls up his sleeve, points to a tattoo on his arm, smiles and
replies, "It's only fair. They gave me the winning numbers."
=====


The Joke Man

The wisdom of Larry the cable guy........
 
 
1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What the heck happened?'

22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates . it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special"

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000", the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

Don't mess with Old People...

A man went to a resturaunt and met a waitress at the door and ask her,

Do you have crabs here?

She said, Yes!, just come in and sit anywhere!

here is a new one!!

Seven old wise men made up their mind,

to build them a pussy of their own design

The first was a Carpenter all full of wit,

with a hammer and chisel he carved out the clit

the second was a blacksmith as black as coal

with a shovel and pick he dug out the hole

the third was a taylor tall and slim

with a peice of red ribbon he lined it within

the fourth was a wrestler mean and stout

with the skin of a bear he lined it without

the fifth was a fisherman real old and bent

with a dead rotten salmon he gave it the scent

the sixth was a doctor with an MD degree

he pat it and felt it and said it would pee

Now the seventh was a Rabbi,a mean little runt

He FUCKED and blessed it ,then called it ,

             A  CUNT.................